He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
