Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
