i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
