We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
