We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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