he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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