I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
