Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
