Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
