don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
