are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Randomize
