I'm really into asian looking animals
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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