Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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