Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
