So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
