also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
