Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
