Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
