I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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