Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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