I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
