The best revenge is premature balding
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
