Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
