thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
