Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
