he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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