I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
