Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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