This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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