I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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