i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
farters have to be the big spoon...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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