I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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