You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
