Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
