im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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