don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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