While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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