Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
