i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
