I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
