Ambien. No doubt about it.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
