btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
