1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
