I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
