If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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