The maid of honor just puked.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
