she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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