we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
