take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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