that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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