I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
