I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
