Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
