I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
