Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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